SEVEN THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW BEFORE GETTING MARRIED

WHAT MARRIAGE IS NOT:

Marriage is not something you jump into just because you think people around you are all getting married or you feel you are getting older.

Maybe you might have had a very bad relationship in the past, and you feel that getting married to the next available person is the right thing to do just because he proposes?

There is a lot to consider in the aftermath of marriage, prior to engaging in the marital institution of marriage, unadvisedly; especially, far more than just your physical reasoning.

The Questions to consider, might be……?

•           Who are you getting married to!

•           What do you know about this person!

•           Do you think he or she is the right         partner for you!

•           Can you really be happy and                   perpetually fulfilled with this person!

•           What do you both share in common!

•           Is he the kind of person you can survive the first ten years of marriage with!

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW BEFORE THINKING OF GETTING MARRIED:

1.  Be Good Friends:

1.1    Start by being good friends, starting with a solid foundation of love, for love, is the best thing that can happen to any good marriage. Build trust, and endeavour to understand each other from the very onset. However, trust in marriage, like for every other relationship is always earned.  The scripture reads that; “A home is built through wisdom and with understanding, it is fully established”

2. Intimacy! - 

Marry someone who shares the same intimacy as yours……

2.1   Do you both think alike, because, is it very important to marry someone who fits into your kind of personality?

3. Respect….!

3.1   How respectful are both of you towards each other and the society around you?

3.2   Respecting each other’s decisions is an important key to a healthy marriage.

3.3   Don't be the only one making decisions, always allow your partner the privilege to fine-tune your well processed ideas and plans.

4. Communicating Skills.…!

4.1       The more you communicate with each other; the more fruitful your union becomes.

4.2       Healthy Communication in marriage is so pivotal and; it have the energy to invigorate your relationship; and should you both lack healthy communication skills, then your relationship is heading to the rocks.

4.3.      Always be reminded to engage yourself in the process of learning better educational and interpersonal relational skills on unique measures to keep the “fire of affection” burning in your relationship, which essentially develops a very healthy communication or rapport amidst the both of you.

5. Don't Expect Him or Her To Change….

5.1   Before getting into the renowned and well respected institution or union known as marriage; you must both learn to be extremely tolerant towards one another; and perhaps commiserate with all forms of behavioral imbalance from your partner.  Inadvertently, trying to change him or her may be a night mere; and potentially colossal or disastrous for your bearable comfort!

5.2   People do change! Yes, but within very effortful parameters. 

Attitudes and characters that are untamed over the years could be extremely problematic.  Voracious attitudes and characters, is like a wild fire that cannot be capped easily, the volatility is rather somewhat erratic, in the absence of corrective measures.

However, people do change, by willingly subscribing for intentional counselling sessions, aimed at reappraisals of value systems, paradigm shifts, and cultural or religious beliefs, to mention a few.

5.3   Interestingly so, the change process is always procedural and not immediate, and may yet not appear to be predictable or predetermined in ways that may readily suite any of the partners involved. However, true patience is involved here, when true Love is still involved!

My question will be, if you are not comfortable with his or her attitudinal antecedents’ pre or post marriage, why marry him?

Please, do preferably covet proper counselling sessions prior to dabbling into marital ties. “DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME!”

6. Be Encouraging….

6.1   When two adults decides to come together as one, then both of you should be prepared to support and encourage one another. Kindness becomes a watch-word for encouraging one another.

6.2  Embarrassing each other, and perhaps not affectionately re-affirming each other’s passion and dreams, could potentially mutate your relationship into a medieval level.

7.  Give listening ear when necessary……

7.1        Listening is a rare virtue, most couples hear each other’s sweet nothings, yet lacks a skill for listening compassionately to their spouse’s inner thoughts and strategic thinking.  A lot of couple has been through a lot as a result.

My concern here is that, a few couples might have made some wrong decisions from the onset by marrying the opposite side of them, which is not necessarily a bad decision, by the way; alternatively, my premonition would have been to reassess the present challenges and seek for efficient and more productive ways to charter a way forward in your love relationship.

7.2       Many couples, have forgotten their God given purposes and talent, worse more, even some with academic qualifications have been drowned in the light of certain appalling psychological fatalities.

7.3       Never be in a hurry to endorse, or at best marry any of such persons with very “negative and primitive” antecedents – They could turn out to potentially become very cataclysmic progenies, in life.   Always, fast forward the gross impacts of such negativities in a civilized and liberal world, such as we presently live in.

7.4       Positive self-Image….!  - Endeavour to marry a person who will not be jealous of your achievements, or make you look down on yourself unnecessarily.

7.5       Aspire to develop yourself, in spirit, soul (intellect); and in physical or emotional wellness; more ever, be drawn to positivity, especially, with someone that have a well processed mind frame of their own, which will in turn motivate you and bring out the best in you.

7.6       Remember, that, “the best days is yet to come!”

Let us make the right decisions now, before delving into the corridors of marriage…

“Marriage, I presume, is the second most important decision that you may have to consider in your life-time, after the salvation of your faith in Christ Jesus!

– Christopher Aloysius (PhD)

Abstracts from “Successful Marriage and it’s concubinage consequence”!

-         Onyinye Edith, 2018

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